Poète Maudit

The Real her

2010-06-08T10:18:00.000-07:00

Staring into the mirror as the crimson liquid slowly moved down her face

and they may ask why she cries blood.

Her silence speaks,tells of many stories of abandonment

sexual abuse,sickness, and refuge,they yelled her name

but not to say hooray

more like "little girl your never gonna be shit,your life will never change"

so she baptized herself in her own blood. mixed with drops of rain

Words like the razors that left scars

on the tops of her arms

and teddy bears slit open wondering if they could feel the pain

because I couldn't seem to feel a thing.

They reached out for her when she drifted away in the current

but pulled their hands back when they realized she had luggage.

who would have known that they were empty

no1 but she.Yet and still she was

"Looking for love in all the wrong places

Filling voids with empty spaces

Blinded by lust and infatuation

heart surrendered to minds manipulation"

Lucky #22

2010-04-30T12:44:00.000-07:00

Patch work, stitching up old woulds from past hurts

Playing doctor and seamstress all in one.

But for her this type of role-play wasn't for fun.

I'm a customer turned patient.

And I flat-lined when she stole my heart

b/c I maxed out my cards she charged a penny for her thoughts.

And I assumed I was her only patient,Until I pulled my #.."#22"

Wow 22 hearts that she brought refuge to

22 hearts that she wore on her sleeves

No wonder she was so eager to get on her knees....

(Not finished , got writers block)

Metally,emotionally, physically...

2010-04-29T23:57:00.000-07:00

Living on mental plantations, Ive gone nuts,become a slave and
nothing would please me more than cracking your shell,
lets hope you can release me as well.
Living on stars that feed off our hearts
and mine has grown enough to fit you in and still shine 
no stretch marks.
Living on the waves that your body creates
good thing I surf as an escape…

Complete me...

2010-04-29T01:17:00.000-07:00

Grab me where I feel empty

make me whole

Warm me in placed that have gone cold.

I want to feel

I cant help but wait for it

My mouth is watering

I can almost taste it.

But its not your body,its your mind I'm craving.

Done...

2010-04-29T01:05:00.000-07:00

How do I write a story already written,

and

Take back impressions given?

Shes turned off and left no switches left to turn her back on 

No

rights to turn left,all my rights are wrong. 

Numb...

2010-04-26T02:02:00.000-07:00

No movements in this vast land of changelings
b/c I don't change I evolve.
Stay true to who I am deep down cant rearrange things.
that were implanted in me
and manifested in me.
The pen in which you chose to create a face for me
bled dry and I watched as the liquid spilled on the floor see
That is what I used my pencil for
The led can smear but never bleed
therefor I don't feel the pain you tried to inflict on me.
You I feel sorry for because the pain u wished on me takes over you.
And most of it comes from the fact that I don't feel it too....

Ms.Obession

2010-04-23T02:19:00.000-07:00

Obsession...I get it
wanting to put you in places I know you wont fit
Emptying my mind with the possibility that your full of shit...
but I wont quit.
Obsession...I get it...
Now...
Blessing you like you answered my prayers when all you did
was smile.
Obsession...
I want to get under your skin
not by annoyance but I want to get in
so deep you cant eject me
always by your side so you cant neglect me
Constantly on your mind its like I'm thinking for you so you wont reject me
You are me I am you ,we are one so you wont disrespect me
We've become my obsession look how you've effected me
Wet dreams every night imagining you're sexing me
ummm...Obsession...

Untitled Colabo

2010-04-05T18:04:00.000-07:00

Colaboration on twitter with my hommie check him out http://twitter.com/vito_fiasco

k) ..i just want to penetrate your thoughts and take over your mind...slowly...slowly...slowly...ill take my time...

v)ease my way into your mind, unclothe my soul and wrap my spirit in the fabric of your deepest thoughts

k)...and I wanna undress u...mentally and physically, let each layer imprison me...

v)slowly pierce my nails into each layer scratching away my very sense of freedom. For lonliness is freedom unloved..

k) ...I want to be free 2 get lost in you,your mind I wish 2 conquer alone...but i dont want 2 be lonely u see,so I hope that u can conquer me

Precaution...

2010-04-05T17:32:00.000-07:00

...the closer I get the further I fall back...never get too attached...
these are the tendencies of a heart previously attacked...

Lust...

2010-03-31T19:23:00.000-07:00

I feel it is my duty to touch
act on lust and make u bust.
surrendering to my bodies thirst by choice
using my intelligence to make u moist, speaking words of passion w/o a voice
the language of deception spoken, volcanic climax awoken,
u bought my mind without a token.....I'm focused
on how u receive, my passion seeps underneath, we fall to our knees
in praise, its my duty to show u the ways,
but I never slow down u go at my pace,
I have a thirst for speed and i love your taste.
Let me put my hands below the waist, between your thighs
a space where i can feel the heat multiply, then stair into your alert eyes
I feel it is my duty to dine...if i act on lust you'll bust in time

Free...

2010-03-31T19:22:00.000-07:00

Free from heart break and endless dances
free 4rm lost souls, people that don't take chances...
Free from all the demons that tortured my soul
free 4rm all restraint that held me back 4rm reaching a goal....
Free from lies deception all things untrue
I'm free because I'm free from you...
Free from obsession depression and old lessons
free from all and any transgression....
Free from feeling down and out
Free because I'm freeing myself from this cloud of doubt

Love Triangle...

2010-03-31T19:18:00.000-07:00

Laying in the bed with her wishing it was you
contemplating if i should take the chance or give up on the two
both entice me in so many ways
got me anxious to read your stories
hope to find us on the same page
needs reflected
souls connected
bodies respected
can i fulfill the both of your needs
without giving the impression that I'm filled with greed,
I slow down to collect my thoughts mind and heart at the same speed
one stimulates my mind gives me a sense of direction
other stimulates my heart our bodies have a hell of a connection...
2 acute angles to choose from
I'm trapped in this luv triangle I might end up with none
Prepare myself for living my life lonesome.....

My Futures' Past

2010-03-31T19:16:00.000-07:00

Past to present
back tracked directions
trying to clear my path to the future for old aspiring connections..
.i used to have the option to choose
but in this situation i have no choice but to loose
Trying to read the paper to my future but its old news..
.Should I force myself to move on?
n over power these feelings i have that are strong?
Heart says go mind says stop Ive been warned
no sense in trying to piece things back together after the pain of being torn...
Who would have that it would ever come to this..
.I had visions of our future life,pure bliss
didn't intend for u to run away with my hear
, i aimed to please i missed...
thought i had u in the palm of my hand I thought i had a grasp,
never thought that id be dying inside and trying to relive my past....

New life...

2010-03-31T19:15:00.000-07:00

A mind and body collision
spiritual transition
goals turned into missions
i am the woman that I envisioned
End of loneliness
world where 2 hearts exist
sum real love shit
holding on so tight wont dare loose my grip
Glances turned to stares
smiles no more tears
my heart my home i belong here
soul set free without a care
Priceless guerdon
far from and free from any burden........

Nocternal Emission...

2010-03-31T19:14:00.001-07:00

She yearns for constant copulation,
through her tension and sexual frustration,
she subjects herself to masturbation
without hesitation
or contemplation
realizing she cant wait in...her eyes u can she her desire,
in her heart is raging fire,
her passion reaches limits expectations are higher
protecting herself so no1 can deny her
no risk of rejection or feelings to decipher
Because shes feeling herself...

(Erran)
self satisfaction?
i add opinions
in hopes of subtracting
provisional dimensions with hopes of your body's suspension in midair.....
seconds before orgasmic contraptions enraptured
in flashes of pleasure that surpasses ultimate passions....need i say more? i think i may :O)
she goes both ways yet only he displays
her name softly spoken on breaths whispered
in the midst of rain
call me pleasure if u seek the fulfilment of your desires
extinguish your fires and breath the smoke
exhale once more and feel my lips by your thought
let me into your mind open your eyes
and your hands will become
my hands
when you touch yourself, know I'm in your caress
when you open your legs, that's my presence that's got u wet, got u blessed, got your entire body under arrest. look into the mirror; that's me it reflects
subject not to yourself, but the fantasy of me appearing in the darkness as our spirits connect
she pleases you in ways i cant, yet that i respect
so let me give u a gift of this Mans flesh
touch me let your body accept me as a custom made dream or simply define me as the passion found beyond sex

My Life...

2010-03-31T19:13:00.000-07:00

No longer playing any card that's dealt i choose my shit,
and i refuse to be misused, criticized or abused by a nigga or bitch
under no condition would i ignore or protest my intuition
no retention...
Ill act impulsively
no time to listen
contemplate, or speculate subconsciously...
no longer letting others pave my path,or make things rigorous for me
..let me be...
and step the fuck back,this isn't a phase or an act
......Its my life

Temporary Replacemet...

2010-03-31T19:12:00.002-07:00

I feel like just another replacement
And I can see it in your face when...we
Kiss i can sense its her u miss
Wishing that she was in my place and...when
U touch me u don't seem satisfied
b/c shes on your mind imagine it was her by your side
Don't lie
b/c i can see her reflection when i look in your eyes
Don't act surprised... when I tell u you don't belong to me
Because i know shes your heart that's really where u wanna be
But your here with me and I'll patiently await...
For that day when I'm your heart and shes permanently replaced(

They Say...

2010-03-31T19:12:00.001-07:00

Sum say I'm not Dramatic enough
They say I'm too sensitive, but i play too rough
cant break down my wall b/c my past killed my trust
maybe i was born to lust ????
b/c I'm sure having a problem finding love...

Some cant handle my piercing stare
say i should pay less attention to the things i wear
show more emotion "act like u care"
but my hearts wounds are in no condition to repair
b/c faced the fact that love no longer lives here.....

Some assume i have no drive
but i protest that i just often feel love deprived
I often question my existence, the reason I'm still alive
slowly but surly dieing to live my life
Just looking for a destination so my goals can take flight....

Bitch...

2010-03-31T19:11:00.001-07:00

BITCH! what the fuck I look like?
expect the unexpected... (right?)
fall back and be neglected? (Yea...rite)
BITCH! what the fuck I look like?
using me as a casual distraction?
no wonder y I get no action...
u get yours i get no satisfaction...
BITCH! what the fuck i look like?
how cud i be so blind..
shell come around, just give it sum time...(that's what i told myself)
i must have lost my go* damn mind...
BITCH! what the fuck I look like?
leading me on when i stay the night
girl u know this shit ain't right....
and clearly i don't play that shit!
what the fuck i look like? BITCH!
lol

Preconceived notion

2010-03-31T19:10:00.000-07:00

Preconceived notion
misguided focus
impaired reflection
getting 2 u is hopeless

Love is not enough...

2010-03-31T19:09:00.002-07:00

You said u loved me so i gave us another try
Gave birth to a love that would soon die
Shedding tears to fill a well that would soon run dry
Secret affairs! you have no respect so why should I???
Why should I continue to love you when u hurt me?
It would be different if it wasn't consistently
I'm so tired of being the only one that's hurting

Love isn't enough anymore, I need more than your promises to restore
My heart, is aching...painstaking I'm breaking
Down, No need to pick up where we left off its over now

Thoughts...

2010-03-31T19:09:00.001-07:00

I try to explore the boundaries of love seeking help from above but instead i endure loneliness, in which my heart wants to restrict, only letting in feelings of being wanted in some way i don't deserve but want and need so desperately. So with my aged expectations i count my loss,no longer using multiplication to calculate my thoughts of loneliness and hours of despair....I await my prince of desire...reaching my thoughts my heart expires...

Angel in disguise...

2010-03-31T19:08:00.000-07:00

I'm all ears and eyes, Gods angel, his gift to the world in disguise. Me wanting to make the word a better place comes to no surprise. But I'm not perfect I'm no different 4rm other guys. B/c this angel's taken so long to realize. Love can hurt, its blind, and sometimes it lies......................

...........I'm lost I need help, I'm sure u can see, that Gods taking his time to grant me my wings....Maybe I'm not ready to be...Sum say an angel can be distinguished when she sings, and that her voice is as smooth as the water flows so heavenly.....................

Misguided love...

2010-03-31T19:07:00.002-07:00

Looking for love in all the wrong places
Filling voids with more empty spaces
Blinded by lust and infatuation
heart surrenderd to minds manipulation..

Settle...

2010-03-31T19:07:00.001-07:00

Although my heart and intellect yearn for more
she is who i settled for
When i was tired of rejection,casual sex and..
yearned for affection, she pointed me in her direction...
I wish i could love her the way she should be,
but i have nothing left all i have is poetry,
& tainted memories, this life I'm liven will be the death of me....

Damn...

2010-03-31T19:06:00.002-07:00

Damn... is it really like that
you continue to leave traces of a broken heart, while i pick up the slack
continuously pointing out errors,places in which i lack
parading around putting on a show and I'm the staring act... unwillingly
this shit is real to me
no blind fold to disguise my perception if i was blind id see ...your ways
my pain runs deep in a shallow resting place,
dead but alive and consistently replaced,
time limits no grace period for me to attempt to compensate,
wasn't even around long enough for me to love to hate
once again I've been fucked but i came much too late.

Soul Truth...

2010-03-31T19:06:00.001-07:00

I often dream of you,and the life you breath through my soul that feeds me the truth. causing me to commit a sin, but its my pleasure to indulge in you. No instant gratification, casual copulation,or expected compensation, for the gift of life you continue to breath through me, without hesitation my feelings for you grow rapidly, so if your soul is lost just look outside your window and there ill be.....

Reality-Dream...

2010-03-31T19:04:00.002-07:00

She lingered in her dreams
Turning her nightmares into pleasurable reality
When she awakes she can hear her speak
Thoughts of her flow consistently

Loving and Living in fear...

2010-03-31T19:04:00.001-07:00

Its funny how she's antisocial but her greatest fear is loneliness. And how she thought she found her happiness in someone but that same person makes her feel so sad. It amazes her how people say they love her but they try to change the things about her that make her who she is...

Love hurts, but its pointless...nothing to pierce her broken heart. Just arguments and broken promises that have no ending or valid reason to start. Safe to say she's loving and living in vain, Because each day she is dying to end her pain. No matter how many people she has in her life at the end of the day she feels alone...left Loving and Living in fear on her own.....

You Inspire Me...

2010-03-31T18:56:00.000-07:00

The world turns as our souls connect and evolve into a puzzle of love, the pieces have there own distinct design but fit together with perfection as we do.The world revolves and our emotions attempt to explore a broader horizon. When our souls intertwine I am lost in your essence which has captivated me the very first time our eyes locked and I planted a gentle kiss on your lips. Are you pleased with the array of sunshine that greets us as we awaken to the reality that we belong together? "What about you captivates me?" I ask myself as I analyze your every motion. Is it your appearance,personality, or even the fact that I am wondering? I seek to find the things that make me desire your forbidden embrace, and realize that even the things about you that make me cringe make me yearn for you even more. As I am wandering around to locate my lost soul I discover that it is in a world of dreams that often consist or relate to being with you. If love is not yet here, it may never exist, then lust, lust is what drives my every thought and emotion expressed to you. I lust to be,to love you, to be loved by you. You are not my all, but most of what my world revolves around. You inspire me.

Conflicted...

2010-03-31T18:53:00.000-07:00

I wish i could go back in time and turn the hands on life's clock
I wanna be with you but the one I'm with makes my heart stop
So deal with what i have but change my pace and perfect my stride
So in the future i can catch up with you and be your ride or die...chick
Not just a random girl u fuck with
Not a groupie,casual distraction or another disappointment

Facade...

2010-03-31T18:52:00.002-07:00

Things never progress when u stay in one state....of mind. Relationships always seem so great...but in time...you'll realize... that she was never the woman of your dreams it was only a facade, and in fact the truth was disguised and glamorized...so is it my mistake for not taken the blind fold off my eyes? or was it in fact your fault for being realness deprived? fuck you for being a fake! for it was the truth i was denied! But I'm on sum real shit, I've found my new state mind... now I'm getting it right ....

writers block...

Motion Sickness...

2010-03-31T18:52:00.001-07:00

I don't and never know where I'm going because I'm moving so fast that I'm not aware of my surroundings...I take a break to figure out the longest way to get to nowhere because every time i take the short cut i fuck up and end up backtracking...no sense in going through all the trouble just to have to start over....I wish i knew how to slow down but I'm too used to routine...this fast pace life is getting the best of me....I'm on the move and I wont stop... until my head starts spinning...until i have motion sickness and my beginning has an ending......

Tearful Smiles...

2010-03-31T18:49:00.001-07:00

Crack a smile and fill the room with laughter to hide the pain
never let um' see me cry I have composure to maintain
Although i act like I'm happy I'm not,I'm putting on a show
In fact my laughter is the aftermath of the pain I'm letting go
So when u see me smile just know that i really wanna cry
Those tears of laughter are really tears of the sorrow that exist inside...

Miss Stress...

2010-03-31T18:48:00.002-07:00

No longer call me Miss Stress..I'm over it! I digress,none the less i come back and try to make some sense of this mess...I cant even hate u, u know what "God Bless" , feelings change like people do, its like putting on a new dress,or buying new shoes...you feel better in the end even if u loose, don't ask me to choose,to think with my heart or my mind... b/c I've come up w/ a way that i can use them both at the same time...no longer liven in your reality I'm jumping off of cloud nine, And if i fall flat on my face "so be it" as long as i don't land in your pile of bullshit...So go ahead and give up on me,Just Leave! I'm not gonna beg wont catch me on my knees,only time can tell if we are meant to be, I'll still be around if u decide to come back to me...b/c i think more with the mass in my chest, no longer call me Miss Stress...once again I digress.............

Silent Heart...

2010-03-31T18:48:00.001-07:00

There was nuthin there truth be told, for me give or let go...I let go of my pride and let my feelings show, you say you know wuts best for me but im the only one that would know...Im expected to just never speak again, expected to let go of all hopes of gaining a lifelong friend...Shudve known that when i played ur game i wud neva win, glad my heart is made of stone nothing broken to mend...Ni99as always run when u need them to stay, but its no problem i guess i cud run the other way, so starting today! my life I'll live... build myself, gain a heart, so to another ill be able to give...Silent emotions silent heart...cant end sumthin that wasnt given a chance to start,i guess your right we are better apart, because ppl like you dont really follow their heart..........

Foolish...

2010-03-31T18:47:00.000-07:00

Act on you instinct stick to what u used to b/c there is always sum1out there trying push u off your track or misuse you...This is all a game,shit is familiar...its your choice to choose to loose and be fooled ....

Never Be...

2010-03-31T18:46:00.000-07:00

Bitch please she could never be me...

i wish she would
try to take the one i love n the place in your heart where i stood
I know for a fact that she could never touch u n please u the way i could

So what is it about her that has u so in love
She could never play the role, be wife like i was
The sensuality of a femme w/ the aggression of a stud

Bitch please she could never be me...

Alone...

2010-03-31T18:45:00.000-07:00

Alone.....by choice b/c i refuse to settle for some1 who i cant mentally connect with...cant complain....there's no1 to blame,but Kristine...usually I accept my loneliness as a time to refurbish myself...but...why is it that people who are less deserving are labeled "number one"...i end up that chick on the side when only looking for some fun...So i stop trying to change me and instead I rethink my needs...So this is it....I want some1 who i can call my own,who can meet all my wants and needs so i never feel....alone

Life is a bitch....pimp her...lol

2010-03-31T18:37:00.000-07:00

Gotta get my grown woman on...10 finger, hands strong, days short, nights long…if u ain't getting money then u picking your teams wrong…u wont get a sob song, so get your own shit right, because the day u get paid it cud gone the same night...stay on the grind or watch your money stack, u choose…getting it is easy but keeping it is the issue, life is a bitch but treat her right don’t misuse, because the 1st person she will fuck is you….

Be(Stoop dreams)...

2010-03-31T18:36:00.000-07:00

behave because I have manners and I was taught to have poise.
I be’ quiet locked up in my room because the world makes too much noise.
I be’ alone in this world because that’s how I was in the womb.
I be’ late in my growth because I don’t wanna grow up too soon.
I believe in my dreams because I bring them to life.
I be stronger than most because I been through strife.
I be’ chilling on the stoop reminiscing with my girls.
I be’ claiming my property “yeah I own the world!”

lol

Madame Butterfly...

2010-03-31T18:35:00.000-07:00

She must be a butterfly b/c she got wings...
She's beautiful ,and graceful the most unique I've seen

Nahhh she gotta be an angel listen to how she sings...

Nooo she's fly shes something hi, that girls a star you know
Maybe shes a rapper or a poet, shes got mad flow

Look I'm telling you shes butterfly,maybe she will fly if u let her wings go

Lifes Orgasm...

2010-03-31T18:34:00.002-07:00

Ooooh rite there i can feel it in my soul
New beginnings, orgasmic endings are about to unfold
Inside me are big things, big dreams, new goals
Reached my climax, now I'm looking 4 somebody to hold...
oral stimulation through life's poetry
knowledge masturbation,u feel me?
or better yet ill feel myself
b/c my thirst 4 knowledge is something i cant help
Life's orgasm I've finally reached it, now I'm in the zone
even if i never find someone, ill come on my own.....

Privdeprived...

2010-03-31T18:34:00.001-07:00

If my life was handed to me on a silver platter my sorrow would feed on it.
Life is what u make it but if its stubborn u cant mold shit.
I used to think that maybe if i ignore how i feel that I would be immune to the pain.
But in the end the pain only gets worse Iv become more sick than sane.
You think you can understand my struggle and all that Ive been through.
But if I handed you my life on a silver platter you'd be allergic to life's food.

Love...

2010-03-31T18:33:00.001-07:00

Love is a thought not a feeling that is installed in our minds.
Like a knife
It cuts through our thoughts; it’s like shirts that shrink
The heat rises and unfolds, wrinkles and then it’s relaxed… I never mix and match...
when the pressure is off
I feel at ease because love is not a feeling, that’s what I believe
The observer is laughing because u believe in the feeling of love
That never was.
Lust is loves maniacal twin that is what we are feeling.

From my window...

2010-03-31T18:30:00.001-07:00

I see street competitors who hustle to eat.
And Street sleepers and dwellers that beg at your feet.
I see night walkers who sale their souls,
some working for their freedom instead of money and gold.
I see the sun shining when its not daylight,
because the city never sleeps not even in the night.
I see flooded sidewalks and bustling streets,
And people who never slow down to breath.
I see individuality that can’t be taught.
From my window I see New York.

No Fairytale love...

2010-03-31T18:29:00.002-07:00

I don’t want to live happily ever after,
I want to be ecstatic until you hear laughter.
My prince wont come for me I wont hear his voice.
I don’t want to hear “Kristine, Kristine let down your long hair” by choice.
You won’t See me on cloud 9 or smelling the roses,
I don’t want to prick my fingers on thorns like needles containing doses.
If my friends jump off a cliff “hell no I wont go!”
Nor will I ever pick blackberries in the snow.
I won’t stick my tongue out to lick the rain
I will never ever do any of these things….
Because not being my self brings me pain.

Fool...

2010-03-31T18:29:00.001-07:00

I see you walking with your friends with gum in your mouth popping and blowing
Bubbles like sum child
With your imitation designer bag and your out dated clothing, you glace at me pretending to be in disgust but I can’t see through the disgusting mask you wear
You’re hairy like a man but you don’t have the balls to speak
Wanting to speak words of the strong but inside you are weak
I see you...how you crave my attention, wanting me to be jealous b/c u figure u have something I don’t....your right you have something I don’t
I don’t have a sleazy bone in my body
I don’t crave attention nor do I seek the drama you tempted to impose on me
Like sum child
You know more about me than I know about myself, but the "me" you know was created in your mind
You dream about me, you dream about being me...having what I have, the peace I have known since birth you want to attain
But you can’t
Your not strong enough....just like your words "Bitch I will beat your ass"
My ass has yet to be touched...the only beating you can do is on a drum
But I’m sure you’re not even that talented
I see you in the clubs moving your body licking your lips, rubbing your self
You want my attention and you have it I must admit
Like sum child
You continuously go through the trial and error phase
Making mistakes and marks that cant be traced
Yes you have my attention...I'm watching you....watching you make a damn fool of yourself....

Random Thoughts...

2010-03-31T18:28:00.000-07:00

Cant find the words to express my feelings
I'm not sure that i can feel any longer
I've been hurt so many times that I've built up a tolerance for pain
the needles no longer hurt
yet i cant seem to complete the tattoo
maybe I'm afraid i might feel again
maybe the tattoo will never be massive enough to depict the life i had when i felt
it could be that i wanna feel
I often find myself in the shoes of the tattoo artist
inflicting images and feelings of pain on others
*sigh*

Dead...

2010-03-31T18:27:00.002-07:00

So cold
so unkind
cutting deeper than the past pain inflicted and endured combined
blades sharpened especially for my demise
words of love and forgiveness as a disguise
breaking down my wall with false sincerity, then making your attack
i was fooled thinking i can regain your trust but there was no coming back
so here i sit soiled in my own pain all hopes and dreams fade to black
I'm sinking deeper and deeper
flashing before me is my past
my heart is dying
bleeding
you continue to stab
i thought you would be the one to save me and give me life
the murder of my love solved
you were caught with the knife

Dear Lover...

2010-03-31T18:27:00.001-07:00

Dear Lover,

Could you be my spiritual enlightenment?
You torment
Me with your essence
Since
I’ve met you I've been trying to dismiss
These feelings for you I have yet to relinquish.
Could you be my soul mate?
My mind is in a state,
of disdain.
All my feelings I feel now are all in vain.
I am giving you my all, but you only want a piece
I wish my invalid feelings for you would decease.
But when I hear your voice I remember your touch
The reason I feel like this and such,
Such a way that my mind is blown and my heart skips a beat
Your a temptation that I must defeat.
Only God and I know what I would do once more feel your embrace
But in some way I feel I'll be evading your space.
God help me although I've never been the one to be religious.
And I've never felt like our relationship had to be monogamous.
So how am I pushing you away my dear?
I'll give you your space, and I'll always be here.
But its the distance I fear.
Don’t feed me any lies let me know how you truly feel.
And at the moment the world will remain still.
I knew you weren’t in it, all you did was deceive.
Your similar to this corrupt world, in which I only grieve.
I still cant let you go I'll never find another like you.
But at second thought, is that something that I want to do?
Well our time has ran out darling this is the end.
No need to try and redeem ourselves.

Sincerely , Your new friend.

Scattered thoughts...

2010-03-31T18:26:00.000-07:00

-Desired less endless stress, who is to blame for my hearts sudden death?
Suddenly I'm trapped and ur sum1 I nolonger reccognize...
because the one with whom I am In love would never make me cry...

-Train of thought escapes my mind with cars of depression following behind. Next stop canceled repairs on life’s track. Train of thought please come back.

-Your love is like a forbidden fruit in the garden of Eden. I take a bite risking everlasting life, but I know your worth it. Now God has forsaken me for picking your love from the sacred tree.

-I never knew I was dead until I looked into the eyes of the man that murdered me. “Move on” they say, but its kind of hard when the knife is still logged in my chest. “In time your wounds will heal” they assure me, but words cut deep and prolong the healing process. Infectious .

-Bottled up depression and manifest lessons. These are these are the makings of my aggression. Jaded.

-How I feel about you can’t be defined. So I keep thoughts of you locked up in my mind. Instead of expressing my compassion for you I lash out on you. Causing more confusion and placing allusion on the truth.

-No makeup all natural, makeup sex comes natural. In the mist of the pain and behind clothes doors, shirts, socks and memories leave a trail on the floor. We are naked, I am myself when I am with you. Shower me with your love. Erase the pain, wash my clothes and dry the tear stains….

heartless...

2010-03-31T18:25:00.002-07:00

Give me my heart back
But take these tears
You can keep the heart break
I don't want this fear.
Give me my heart back
I want to feel
But you can borrow this loneliness
Please don't steal.
Give me my heart back
You never asked me if u could have it
but u can take back this sorrow
use it to wreak havoc
Give me my heart back
why don't u care
how could u take whats so precious to me
i was unaware
Give me my heart back....Or give me yours

Eternally...

2010-03-31T18:25:00.001-07:00

I place my hand in yours hoping that I can memorize the feel of your skin on mine.
Gliding my fingers up your arm and on every other trace of ink marked skin,its never ending.
Gazing into your eyes hoping you can see inside of me, and i the same with you.
We are each other,
8so I get lost in myself.
Lost in our love, our pain...
No guide, no help, no bread crumbs left to retrace my steps.
This feelings might last forever but i doubt it.
So I will treasure this moment that i can feel.
Eternally.
You are so close to me but i can not reach you.
I see you, I feel your warmth, I smell your scent,and I can hear every breath you take.
Yet you are still so far away.
I watch you sleep hoping you dream about me, dream about a future and our possibilities.
But in reality my hopes are far from manifesting.
Each awaking day we seem further apart, and one day soon you will find another and forget I ever existed.
Be assured that I wont do the same.
Marked on my wrist is our love and it will remain.
Eternally

*Dedicated to my lost love, you will forever be a part of me..SNB*

Empty...

2010-03-31T18:23:00.002-07:00

I gave until I felt there was nothing left
not realizing that my love has no limits
a bottomless pit in the world of eternity
so i am drained
but you, your filled with assurance that I'm not going anywhere
so u take even more and give nothing in return
no validation
no sense of security
in some way i feel I owe u every bit of my suffering
so am i really in love or am i trying to repair a love that was damaged from the start?
All i know is that there is an emptiness inside of me
You once filled that space....

Yin and Yang....

2010-03-31T18:23:00.001-07:00

We laugh and cry in unison
Both producing tears dark enough stain skin
Because the laughter is only a reflection of the pain
The comfort zone in which the tears remain
How can I convince you to step outside the line
Walk with me, and in time
Your tears can be reversed to those of happiness
To coincide with the laughter that exists

Dear New Friend...

2010-03-31T18:22:00.001-07:00

Dear New Friend,
I'm awake but my heart sleeps with you,even after all we put each other through. Our love found strength in unknown places,through the tears frowns and other smiley faces. We don't really text that much but your "smh" and my "lol" always say just enough. Makes me cherish the days when we thought we lost it all,when our foundation was knocked down like the Berlin wall...so much history in so little time,I'm hoping we can erase some pages just place your hand in mine. We have so much more to discover... Sincerely Your Lover

Undefinded...

2010-03-31T18:21:00.000-07:00

No boundaries or expectations,Unknown truths no limitations
Just a fragment of the thoughts that reside in my mind
but only for a short time,Tucked away in secrecy
no traces of my presence only thoughts of we, hearts spoken for without words said,Life story for-told but never read
And through your lips flow the truth,his is what I think of when I look at you...

Evolution pt.1

2010-03-31T18:19:00.000-07:00

This world is much too big to just get lost in us.there's so much more we can learn about the universe for us to lose our minds.let's not get lost in love until we are bound by false hope and fond in the discovery of our broad reality...there is more to this life more than we.... Know....knowing is one thing ,let's believe...there is something beyond the realm of just u and me ....

insecure...

2010-03-15T18:08:00.000-07:00

Throwing daggers with her glances to protect her from harm.wish she knew around me she didn't need protection.No scars to mark her pain the wounds existed internally. Sometimes she said things to inflict that pain on me.the closer I got to her the further we grew apart.I never got the love I gave b/c her past destroyed her heart.This woman I yearn to love I see in the mirror each day.All the makeup can't conceal scars that aren't on my face...

Questions...

2010-03-15T18:07:00.001-07:00

If love were shackles and you had the key would you hold me hostage or set me free. If unconditional love existed behind bars would u give up your freedom and get lost in ours.If true love meant insanity would you wear your straitjacket gracefully?And If you could capture this love would you bound it in chains?Or would u just let me walk away.....?

Hope

2010-03-15T18:04:00.000-07:00

...I'd rather throw a fit than fit in,force my way into success create new roads where there are dead ends.climbing ladders that are never ending, no stopping make new beginnings. no slowing down I stay sprinting b/c that finish line is getting closer I feel it

Woman...

2010-02-24T09:57:00.000-08:00

Myself and Vito Colaborated! This is one of my favs! I did this live at a lil open mic venue in Chapel hill!

..my hunger attracts places where beauty lies, that is where i choose to dine (k

hankering for beauty in a hideous world, paintings hangs loosely, cryptic mysterious girl...(v)

..making statemnts in my history like mona Lisa,suttle yet intense an oxymoron in the flesh,devoured her beauty, still feel like im not done yet...life is great but shes as good as it gets... (k)

she pairs w/ love like peace, pioneerd peace like prayer, postponed passion for power and poignant pagan plagued poetry..(v)

she is what humans are to the earth,eargerly easeled,an evolutionized embodyment of enlightenment,easily ebriated yet efficiant this massive being i so selfishly choose to feast on is but a mere facet in my collection.... of time,Her mind is where i choose to dine...(k)

she sold her soul for gold and surrendered sadistic smiles for style and selfishly seductive spondaic soliloquies.. (v)

and forged signatures on my heart and flesh,forcing my fears to take flight with fate, praising her and forgettin my faith was my mistake (k)

fear like fog found its way into angry pits of empty hearts, as leaking clouds hang hollow atop somber souls, love like rain...rain penetrates pondering pores of us (v)

she turned my hail like heart into puddles which iced over with time.had me thinkin the power to weather the storms was hers not mine...(k)

she showers the sweetest sour soliloquies, passionate poetry pours peace proceedingly, while I find faith and fear wanders fleeding me.. (v)

Brain Screw..

2010-02-24T09:30:00.000-08:00

I see the fear in her eyes because shes the type of woman that's used to a disguise.

So I took my mask off this isn't a masquerade, I might ball on an occasion but not on the first date.

She smiled gave a lil wink,I dig that.

Trying to read my thoughts and thinking to herself "I wonder how long I gotta wait to get that?"lol

So I made her wait because i have a point to prove,

from her body language I could tell shes not the type to make first moves.

Plus I want to dance with her first to see if she has rhythm, and I want her

to work for the panties before she gets in em'. lol

So lets just chill and move slow I'm sure we have time.

Before I get to her body I wanna fuck her mind. ;) lol

Pain and Pleasure of Writing ...freestyle poem I did on twitter

2010-02-24T09:23:00.000-08:00

Tears dried pushed the heartache and hardship aside found the point of no return and hid that shit so I could never relive those moments.I could never say "that's it!" that's why I have my guard up.this is why I rather lust than love..but after I faced my fears I just can't get enough fuckin the world no Viagra needed n to the paper I'm makin loveAnd that paper come hard so I'm always satisfied pens n pencil be my main bitch they always down to writeN if I run out of led or my pen start actin up I finger fuck the black berry make her say words I never heard of...So u see in the end pain and pleasure are one get out ya extra note books Kris about to come...lol the end

Obsticles to the throne....

2010-02-06T09:55:00.000-08:00

Failure to communicate with the people in the world but still life is great
I'm so spoiled thought my dreams don't have expiration dates.
Grind harder than the rest but soft b/c whats in my chest
going through it
through it
Work hard for the paper and easily burn through all that shit
Fire in my heart to reach my dreams that's why my torch stay lit.
Prepare my throne b/c I'm about to sprint to it.
going to it
to it...

Liiiifffeeee...

2010-01-31T23:08:00.000-08:00

Life ain't been no crystal stair
doesn't matter b/c with eyes wide shut you couldn't see up there
I wonder if that stair leads to glass ceilings?
Wouldn't it hurt your knees if you were kneeling
Praying for a better life than you have
My life ain't no crystal stair...gd-damn I'm glad...lol

Black Rose...

2010-01-28T21:58:00.000-08:00

I'm the type of person that doesn't believe in fairy-tales
my stories always end in heartaches and farewells

Random thoughts ...

2010-01-27T13:11:00.000-08:00

Yal ready for my deep thoughts...I know I'm a leader I always do simple things like stand up when a movie is over...clap...when I'm w/ my peeps we all might be hungry but I'm always the first to eat...Either I'm a leader or a control freak...or both might even give myself Heimlich when I'm about to choke...always stay one step ahead of the dudes,take their girl n treat her like food and return her to him like brand new...such a control freak maybe I need help ...sometimes I get ahead of myself...the end...lo

Dont speak into existence

2010-01-27T09:49:00.000-08:00

Some things are better left unsaid...I agree!
To state that I ever had you would make it a reality.
And I choose to forget certain things.
being you
And I don't want to give what we had meaning
because we're through.
So I will go without words spoken
speaking to you into existence would mean you meant something to me
Which would contradict my thoughts
Ive convinced myself that it was all a horrible dream
who knew
That this would ever come to be
its true
that you are not worthy of my speech
You blew
The best thing that ever happened to WE
So its better left unsaid
I wouldn't want to revive a part of me that's dead

Flashing lights....

2010-01-24T20:20:00.001-08:00

I don't want to go too deep with this poem b/c I hate resurfacing emotions.

Flashing lights blinding me I cant see truths
built up these walls now I cant see you

Put my mask on quickly to disguise this pain
I'm about to ball is this a masquerade?

Tears dancing down my check
I cant stomach this pain I'm too weak

I used to be strong up until I met you
built up courage and walls then you plummeted through

Damn

....i don't feel like saying much more right now I'm getting too emotional...

Sir Kush A-Lot ...errrerrreee turn table scratchin sounds lol

2010-01-23T07:04:00.000-08:00

Only put kush in a kush wrap,
bout to roll this bitch up real real fat.
No papers no dutches,we off that.

No bongs or pipes that's all disrespect.
Need the kush wrap to soak up the saliva when my lips get wet. lol

Mouth watered when i got a whiff after I opened up that bag.
Kris about to chief like this is her last.

Pass it to the left always take 4 hits.
Words like loud cant describe this shit.
Don't touch my L,if u didn't put 5 on it....lol

The End... I had a dream and i was inspired lol

Cool K.D...

2010-01-22T15:52:00.001-08:00

Hmmmm....I'm cool...I hate school...I guess that makes me a cool ass fool...lol =)

Not so happily ever after...lol

2010-01-21T18:29:00.000-08:00

Listen all I wanna tell you a story about love!
About a lil girl who gave too much

She fought off beast and wicked witches!
Gestures and servitude, clown type bitches

All for the a queen who was never pleased
The little girl could never fulfill her needs

To make a long story short the queen is now dead!
Off with her heart before her head.

The moral of the story is never give too much
b/c to those who don't really love you it will never be enough...

I got angry so I just wrote the first thing that came to mind...lol

Poète Maudit

2010-01-21T15:25:00.000-08:00

Definition: A poète maudit (French: accursed poet) is a poet living a life outside or against society. Abuse of drugs and alcohol, insanity, crime, violence, and in general any societal sin, often resulting in an early death are typical elements of the biography of a poète maudit.

Fuck you, you and you.
And fuck those who u associate with too.
Back sliders your too forward and I cant bend backwards to please the whole group.
Glutinous freak, I'm not feeding you any lies, you'd eat them up and mistake them for truths.
I walk alone my shadows accompany me, you still alone even with the wretched company you keep.
Throw salt in my game but y'all still can't sea me....lol

Those were some random thoughts in my head at the moment I might be back later with more

Tell everyone that you know....HA!

2009-07-06T16:38:00.000-07:00

I don't know what to write....so i guess i will post a poem that describes a portion of whats been on my mind since my last blog.

In the midst of the pain

I continue to speak your name

As if my heart wasnt trying to discard memories of you

I'm in a state of oblivion

Not even the residual wounds on your heart could restore my being

Yet in my world u reign supreme

Never running across my mind

You remain still and become my reality as my lucidity is diminished

You are my only reality

my world

my heart

the air i breath

the blood running through my veins

You are my state of mind

my peace

my pain.

Annnnyyyywhoooooo....Had a blast this weekend went clubbing Thursday line was long, but i don't wait in lines so it was nothing... it was hot as hell but I had fun. The pic was taken b4 I went in the club me and my friend Ash.

READY FOR ATL this weekend Friday Club Miami, we are in there!!!

Random Poem,I was inspired. Update on my Life

2009-06-08T12:21:00.000-07:00

I said "Fuck this"

you broke my heart when I trusted..

your word, the lie you threw I couldn't dodge it or duck it

now like your word you go away and pour alcohol on my wound

and cuts you inflicted I withstood and consumed

No more room

In my heart for others you devoured that space

Then walked away and ran off with it you picked up your pace

left me there empty handed confused and misplaced

So i say "Fuck you"

I cant believe I thought you were true

any chance for me to open up my heart you blew

Everything that was blinded by my love I now see

you took the only thing what was so dear to me

You took my heart and then devoured my ETERNALLY ....

Just something I just wrote b/c I still cant believe I was fucked as hard as I was. Ive made mistakes and I have fucked a few people over but I have never done the shit the has been done to me. How could someone be sold cold hearted. Who knows? I don't, and I don't even really want to know. Truth Hurts. But I moved on...right...shit idk...I am so afraid to love her now too many unhealed wounds,I thought shit was good and I put things n the past I shed not one tear in 2 weeks, now the shit wont stop.idk what to do....I wish i could love her, she deserves it....

On a good note i helped my friend throw her girlfriend a surprise bday party, its was fun...i was gone for the most part lol this whole weekend has been interesting. I was at the strip club 3 days in a row...houstenlatavegas lol I love my friends.

Life is but a DREAM

2009-06-05T09:34:00.000-07:00

So I finally got the pics from my Dream Models shoot. I had so much fun with the girls and the pictures came out great! I am so in love with them!! On another note I am sooooo in love with my life. I no longer feel like a prisoner in my own mind now that i let a few things and a few ppl go I feel free. Al thought my heart is still holding on to a little fragment and although sometimes i check my wrist hoping to see eternally again, i know its time to let it all go and things are gonna be just fine afterwards. Its all about evolution and enjoying life and its moments. I'm done with the facebook drama and the shit talking text messages I'm too old for that shit now. I'm happy i got everything out and i got out of an unhealthy situation. Never let anyone come between you and a DREAM...

I'm out pppl

-KrisTheGreat

Feeling Myself

2009-05-30T10:25:00.000-07:00

Soooo recently I have been feeling myself a bit. I've never been the type to call myself cute badd or sexy but lately I have been feeling that way. Considering the circumstances I should feel ugly and depressed but I don't. After getting dumped only to be replaced by a "Common" chick i realised that some people cant handle someone such as myself lol lol I've been dumped so many times and left for someone with lower standards that i started to think that maybe with my good looks come a bad person, but then i realized the problem isn't me!! Maybe i just attract losers! I'm an independent woman now with beauty brains and class and maybe i should stop dating below my standards. Tomorrow is never promised so i cant continue sitting around being sad over someone who would rather sacrifice our love to feed her curiosity. I used to think i couldn't live without her but now i don't see how i ever lived with her lol Come on now...look at me...i can do better! lol Ladies watch out...I'M BACK!!!! lol

VirginBlogger

2009-05-29T17:46:00.000-07:00

Sooooo this is my first real Bloggggg!!! yeyyy me!!! I created this b/c I get bored and I need somewhere to vent my frustrations at the beginning and end of the day. So welcome everyone I hope you find amusement in my crazy life! And to the haters I hope u got the information that you stalked my page for!! *muahz* PLASTIC!!

And I'm OUT

Poète Maudit

The Real her

Lucky #22

Metally,emotionally, physically...

Complete me...

Done...

Numb...

Ms.Obession

Untitled Colabo

Precaution...

Lust...

Free...

Love Triangle...

My Futures' Past

New life...

Nocternal Emission...

My Life...

Temporary Replacemet...

They Say...

Bitch...

Preconceived notion

Love is not enough...

Thoughts...

Angel in disguise...

Misguided love...

Settle...

Damn...

Soul Truth...

Reality-Dream...

Loving and Living in fear...

You Inspire Me...

Conflicted...

Facade...

Motion Sickness...

Tearful Smiles...

Miss Stress...

Silent Heart...

Foolish...

Never Be...

Alone...

Life is a bitch....pimp her...lol

Be(Stoop dreams)...

Madame Butterfly...

Lifes Orgasm...

Privdeprived...

Love...

From my window...

No Fairytale love...

Fool...

Random Thoughts...

Dead...

Dear Lover...

Scattered thoughts...

heartless...

Eternally...

Empty...

Yin and Yang....

Dear New Friend...

Undefinded...

Evolution pt.1

insecure...

Questions...

Hope

Woman...

Brain Screw..

Pain and Pleasure of Writing ...freestyle poem I did on twitter

Obsticles to the throne....

Liiiifffeeee...

Black Rose...

Random thoughts ...

Dont speak into existence

Flashing lights....

Sir Kush A-Lot ...errrerrreee *turn table scratchin sounds* lol

Cool K.D...

Not so happily ever after...lol

Poète Maudit

Tell everyone that you know....HA!

Random Poem,I was inspired. Update on my Life

Life is but a DREAM

Feeling Myself

Sir Kush A-Lot ...errrerrreee turn table scratchin sounds lol